Issue #20: The First Muse Spotlight ✨

Burnout, Bedding I'm Dreaming About, and Our First Muse Spotlight.

A note: This is a longer missive, so you may have to expand if reading in an email browser that truncates. x

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Ever since I can remember, I’ve been called ambitious, a go-getter, a dreamer. More than a few people told me I could achieve anything if I set my mind to it, and I took those words and held them like a candle close to my chest through particularly dark nights. I carried the title of accomplished and strung it with white roses + pastel pink peonies, hoping to place it upon myself like a crown. 

I built brands, dissolved brands, received accolades, received criticism, all the while pushing, striving, climbing… until I sat in a doctor’s office explaining terrible bleeding cycles and aural migraines. Until I sat in my living room cowering into my couch cushion, hyperventilating until I could hardly breathe about “what ifs” and if a particular client would pay her invoice late again. 

It took almost a year to get a diagnosis. Finally, I received the news that I had PCOS and adrenal fatigue — and that none of my current habits — a not-so-tasty but habitous cocktail of strenuous workouts, 16-hour work days, and constantly asking, “What next?” were helping matters. 

Over the next five years, and still today, I’ve toiled with the question of who I am outside of my career. I genuinely love creating, sharing, having a dream, and putting action steps into place to see it take form. I rub against the question of who I am without the labels people have attached to me and, far more critical than that, the labels I’ve proudly attached to myself. 

I haven’t had a straightforward career thus far, and I think I’m largely working on coming to peace with the fact that I likely never will. It just isn’t who I am, and when I sit with my truth, I realize it isn’t what I desire. 

Creating and transforming is part of my joy. I recently heard Taylor Morrison refer to her career as a “portfolio career,” + resonated with that deeply.

To effectively live the life I know is meant for me, I’m slowly stripping myself of the preconceived notions of what success means. It’s the most challenging evolution I’ve gone through, but it feels really right.

Some ways I measure success today include: Getting in bed by 8:30 with a book. If I wrote a note to a friend for their birthday. If I got up and walked in the sun to Central Park that morning. If I chose to stay in bed + relish the plush duvet cover with a coffee in hand. How I’m exploring ways to embody the woman I want to become. Finding ways to nourish the woman I am. Cuddling in the crook of my husband in the early hours before rising. Putting out work I hope connects with someone. Holding a pose in yoga I’ve been practicing for a few weeks. Choosing to descend into child’s pose when chatarunga follows in the sequence. Taking deep breaths. Walking through the day with an open heart. Doing the next right thing. 

What are ways you’re measuring success? How are you defining what success looks like to you outside the parameters of what we’re told to create + exist within? 

I’m committed to defining success on my own terms and being there for you as you do, too. 

Always hoping you feel that,

Kayli

Photo via Celebrity Cars // Photo by Alexandra // Quote Graphic // Marie Antoinette (2006)

1. I would jump on it so hard if this bedding were in my current price range. It has been on my wishlist since 2021! // 2. This chic extension cord is incredible. Techie Husband + Aesthetic Conscious Wife = Lola’s Leads. // 3. I’ve had a fortune cookie fortune I’ve toted around with me for years. Need this frame for our gallery wall! // 4. I recently went to one of

Saanya Ali

’s incredible supper club parties + she had these on the table. WOW. The Salted Caramel flavor is a must try! // 5. I’d fill this jar with a mix of cookies and possibly a pot gummy or three for weekend joie de vivre. // 6. To add to my current string obsession. We love a vinyl! // 7. I’ve been wanting to try this medical incense. // 8. I imagine this coffee cake sugar made with Intelligentsia espresso beans would be so good on a scone or shortbread cookie. // 9. I always love a pop of red + these pants are it!

I often find myself drawn to works created by women and realize I take my phone out to (often unsuccessfully) capture the essence when an art piece centers around the female experience. I believe I do this for a few reasons, not the least of which is because they’re so unfortunately rare + innately beautiful. That being said, I really want to stop into this exhibition centered around giving female artists the attention they deserve before it closes on March 23rd.

I recently came across this think piece on choosing better inputs from

Your Five-Year Plan

, and it really resonated with me. As someone who attempts to be incredibly intentional, Maddie’s words on the power of agency and pleasure had me nodding my head as I scrolled with my morning coffee.

If you love tales of the high society of yesteryear, New York, or drama among the literati, why on Earth aren’t you watching FEUD: Capote vs. The Swans yet? I genuinely look forward to watching the episodes each week and think it’s artfully done, which makes me even more inclined to tune in. To prepare, I read Capote’s Women and am so glad I did. The show is based on the tales recalled in this non-fiction book + I enjoy leaning over to Aaron and knowingly explaining the parts they leave out. Sorry, babe! 

I also read Answered Prayers, the excerpts of which brought down many of Capote’s most treasured friendships, and would say it’s a big skip.

Painting by Leȯ Gaona

A passage I clearly resonated with during the height of my burnout, from Burnout by Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA.

If you’re grappling with letting a goal go, I encourage you to take out a notebook and pen, get cozy, and ask yourself these questions… 

• What do I gain by staying on this path?

• What do I lose by staying on this path?

• Is the risk that comes with leaving greater than the reward of staying?

• What emotions arise when I think of continuing down this path? 

• Does sticking with this goal bring me a sense of purpose? (A purpose-driven life is a factor in longevity)

• When I think of how I’d like to feel, does this path help achieve that? 

• If not, what are small ways I can begin to pivot toward those feelings? 

I’ve found that these questions help when I’m in the midst of a big life change, and hope they help you gain the clarity you’re seeking, too.

I’ve noticed so many people in the last few years pivoting and creating lives that truly support long-term happiness. It has been incredibly inspiring on my own journey, and I’m grateful that the people in my circle have been extremely uplifting. One of those people is Khaleelah Jones, PhD. We met when I hired her company to take over some digital marketing tasks with a client, and since then, I’ve seen her shift focus beautifully into her next chapter(s) — selling her (second) business, traveling the world, and beginning again with a new venture.

Here, she thoughtfully answers some questions about her journey.

Kayli: I had the pleasure of working with you when you owned Careful Feet Digital, an incredible digital marketing company. How did you know it was time to move on from that venture? 

Khaleelah: I was working 70-80 hour weeks building the company and our automated social media tool, Dime. For years, I was so enthusiastic and excited about what we were building that it didn’t feel like work, and I really enjoyed what I did every day. As time went on, though, I got to a place where I felt cranky and irritable all the time, and started to really lose passion for what I was building. I started feeling anxious just getting on work calls, and started having to work outside of my home office, because just looking at it would stress me out. It took me probably a year to realize that I was experiencing extreme burnout, but as soon as I recognized that was what it was, I realized I needed to reconsider my lifestyle and make adjustments, and the first thing that I could address was how much I worked.

I know we’ve connected over burnout and transitioning what we do career-wise. What did you do after exiting CFD?

I immediately turned around and got a job as director of digital marketing at a large private company. And quit the job within a day! I kind of think of it like running a marathon - at the end, even though you’re absolutely shattered, you can’t just stop cold turkey, you have to keep jogging to cool down. I think mentally I felt like my “cool down” lap had to be another job, and my body just stepped in and said “No!” So after quitting that job, I took a trip around the world with my husband to keep myself busy, and then spent the rest of 2023 consulting for a Berlin-based venture builder, writing a book and looking at passive income opportunities. I really wanted to focus on the passive income steams so that when I do start my next big thing, I have more streams of income to support myself because I have a feeling I’ll be starting my own thing and like I said before - it takes time to build something from the ground up, so having diversified income streams while I am starting out won’t hurt at all!

Personally, what challenges did you feel you had to work through to get to the place you’re in now? What practices or experiences helped navigate that? 

I think the biggest thing now for me is the financial flexibility I have to focus on things I want to. I’m so grateful for that, but it took a lot of effort and learning to achieve. I had to go through the challenge of building a business and the learnings that came with it to get to this point, and as I said, I’m super grateful to have the opportunity to work “non-traditionally” at the moment and have the space to figure out what feels like the right next step for me. 

The second thing has been being much more mindful - I’ve had to go through so much healing from burnout. That took working with a naturopath, going on two yoga retreats in Bali, a year plus of flexible work, lots of meditation, lots of walks and lots of crying. It has knocked me down a few pegs, and I definitely feel a lot less confident than I used to, a lot more like I’m an imposter, and a lot more unmoored from a professional identity perspective. After all, being a founder was my identity for so long, and taking that away even though I needed that to be gone, was really challenging and confronting. I’m still piecing it all together in my mind.

We’re connected on LinkedIn, and I’m always so impressed with the way you write about building a new business from the ground up. So often, we’re surrounded by success story after success story, not hearing about what it took a company to get to that point. As a Capricorn Moon and someone who has really tied my worth in with my work (big yikes), I’ve definitely been a part of that culture of not showing something until I feel it’s up to snuff. What made you feel that this was so important to start-up culture? Does sharing the reality of building a business come naturally to you, or have you had to work at it? 

Probably the biggest lesson I learned during my time as CEO at Careful Feet Digital is that I do not and can not know everything, and am not and should not be good at everything. Being accessible and approachable has always been important to me in my personal life, but in my professional life I always felt like I had to be this know it all invulnerable ice queen, and once I let that slide and started to be vulnerable, I felt like the company thrived, my client relationships deepened and we withstood some really significant challenges. So I’ve brought that learning and lesson to my other professional endeavors. I also think that there is so much “fake it until you make it” energy out there, that we forget that almost everyone starts at the start, and that not every day is rosy and successful. We need those reminders or else we’re going to have a lot more burn out, and the challenges that particularly women face, such as feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome, will also continue if we don’t have honest conversations about the full picture of what it is like to build and found something at the start - the good, the bad and the ugly!

I’m curious how the response has been since you started sharing more about your ups and downs online. Do you feel that by sharing your stories, others have been encouraged to do the same? I hope so. 

Thank you, I hope so too! I think something that made me feel encouraged to share online was when someone reached out asking me to share something and mentioned that they were asking me because people care about my opinion and what I think. That meant a lot, particularly since, as I mentioned, since stepping away from that founder persona I’ve felt a bit unmoored and questioned whether that’s the case. I think at the end of the day people love stories, and human ones at that, and people resonate with people being vulnerable and sharing what their experiences are. So the response has been pretty supportive and aligned with people resonating with the “realness” of what I’m sharing.

You are now selling the templates that have helped you scale your businesses in the past. How did you decide to make this your next adventure? 

I am not sure if it is fully my next adventure, but it is definitely one of my passive income streams. I’m pretty focused on finishing my book right now, which is a history of women in the workplace, controverting the stereotype that women weren’t involved in the working world until the 1950s/60s. I think that learning this from a young age influences the way that we as a society view women, our accomplishments and our capabilities, and my book shows that we have always been a part of the workplace, and that there are some significant economic and political reasons that this has been overlooked and underappreciated. So I’m excited for that to come out into the world.  

As for the templates, I am a big believer in knowing the market and how you’re going to distribute to it before you build, so I told myself during my burn out that whatever I did next, I’d do only after validating that there was an opportunity for it. And I knew from my time working at an agency that there are tons of freelancers and agencies out there that lack templates and repeatable processes, and are always looking for ways to improve - so I thought I’d take the IP I was able to retain from the company sale and productize it, since I know that market super well and know how to distribute to it. I don’t think it’ll become a million dollar business, but it has been an ice little income generator and a fun project where I can continue to serve a market I know super well. The templates have been a really nice break from the book, and keep my finger in the business pie!

One thing I want to touch on before we go is how you recently acquired a new sense of awareness around time. When I read your words, they resonated deeply. For me, I’ve found I cherish time in a way I, yes, was aware of before but didn’t sit in until I really began to consider the dreams I’d like to see come to life… in my career, in building a family with my husband, travels, making sure I’m connecting deeply with family and friends as I round this corner into my thirties this year and the people around me also grow older. I’m taking a guess that building your passive income streams was extremely intentional. What made you realize this was the next step for you? 

I think it was a similar thing. In my 20s I was so happy to sit and grind all day long on my business, but around the time that I burned out, I realized that my company will never love me, will not be what I mourn when I’m on my deathbed thinking of experiences I wish I had, won’t be a substitute for spending time with my family - and it made me really reevaluate what was important for me. While I do think I’ll build another business again, I like the idea that passive income and building wealth will make it so that I have a cushion and don’t feel pressure to work - I’ll be able to pick and choose what I engage with so that it can fit in to my personal values and priorities.

I also think, yes, it’s great to be aware of time — that’s a huge part of planning intentionally — but it also can feel a bit suffocating, I think, especially as a woman where timelines tend to feel enhanced. How are you navigating that personally? Has anything helped you feel more free, aside from leaping into the template business? 

Yes, as women we tend to feel so much pressure around time and getting older! I don’t like it but biologically I guess there’s a point to it, if wanting children is part of your life plan, which I’m not sure about. Since I’m not sure, what has helped is freezing embryos, which I did just a few months ago and shared on Instagram. This has taken the pressure off, which has been super useful given that I’m kind of in an in-between time with my career. I feel like any pressure points where I can step back and look at things with a step by step approach, that’s what I’ve done: rather than think about starting a family, which is overwhelming in my current position, freezing my embryos is a good first step. Likewise, taking on consulting gigs and creating passive income while I figure out what I want next out of my career feels much more manageable than putting the pressure on myself to figure out the next big career move I want to make and giving myself a deadline. I’m learning by exploring and seeking, and taking baby steps in the right direction. That feels manageable, and right.

What does freedom mean to you? 

Freedom means having the capacity - emotional, financial, you name it - to drive toward my defined goals. 

Okay, I think I’ve asked enough hard-hitting questions for the day, though it has been a privilege! I’d love to know what three items, practices, thoughts, etc., you’re loving right now? 

I love cycling, which I do a few times a week at home or at SoulCycle. I also love any Drunk Elephant products, and taking everything baths where I apply a ton of those products and just laze about reading a book, drinking tea, and of course, have a little candlelight from an assortment of my favorite Diptyque candles.

You can read Khaleelah’s full interview here and purchase her templates for your business here. 

Thanks for your time, Khaleelah!