Issue #21: Nurturing Friendship in Adulthood
The Case for Hanging Out, Perfect Days, and An Introduction to Muse Modes ✨
I remember gleefully hopping into my friend’s car in high school to get gas. I think back to some of my best childhood moments, and I smile thinking of the summer I spent on my best friend’s couch watching The Simple Life while eating ginormous bowls of cereal. Lately, I’ve been wondering, “When did we stop just hanging out?”
In adulthood, it’s so easy to organize our dinner dates months in advance (with an inevitable reschedule twice removed), to plan a FaceTime catch-up for the next week, no doubt taking in time differences, and spend money to attend events together, where honestly, do we do much bonding any way?
As the loneliness epidemic soldiers on, Maggie Lange, in her interview with Sheila Liming, author of Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time, has dubbed the adult casual hangout the case for chilling — and I think it’s high time we return to just “chilling” with our friends.
Since moving to Manhattan, I’ve experienced community like never before. I have more day-to-day micro-interactions that have statistically made me happier. There are tons of free opportunities to meet new people with similar interests, and at the end of the day, I’ve found it much simpler to invite a friend over to watch an episode of Real Housewives if they can hop on the subway and be at my door 15 minutes later.
The questions become:
How do we build our community if we don’t live in metropolitan areas?
How do you propose a low-stakes hang with an acquaintance?
When do we factor these hangouts in when our days often have increasingly less leisure time?
Like most things, the answers are complex and varied, but we can start somewhere.
For example, if you don’t live in a walkable area, you can start a neighborhood walk club with a few people you’ve met on your block or in your building. I actually got a group to do this, and then the pandemic hit the next week, so perhaps I should revisit the idea for myself!
If proposing a hangout to a new friend seems too high stakes, ask them if they’d like to come over for a specific activity. Collaging, watching a TV show you’ve discussed, or mentioning you have way too many cookies to eat yourself (note: this would work for me!)
With leisure time seemingly on the decline, these kinds of touch points are becoming pertinent to connection. Ask a friend over to chat as you fold laundry, invite your neighbor over for pizza with the family, or propose your gym pal join you on your next outing to the breakfast smoothie spot you frequent.
It may feel vulnerable to initiate these sorts of hangouts, but I have a feeling that the reward will take us right back to scream-singing The Killers in your friends' car as you swing by the McDonald’s drive-thru, and to me, that’s worth it.
To creating the friendships we long for,
Kayli
A Game of Badminton // Steve McCurry’s Embroiderers // Women on the Train // Dinner de Fete
The other day, one of my dear friends from London was in town for work and was packed to the gills with office mornings and company lunches. When she texted asking if she could pop in, I, of course, enthusiastically said yes and invited her in from the Eastern Seaboard downpour we were experiencing.
I had some odds and ends in my pantry, and I quickly ran into my favorite neighborhood butcher for a couple more snacks.
By the end of her visit, our hearts and bellies were full. This unplanned time together reminded me of the importance of just having loved ones over to do nothing… chatting on the couch, sipping a cuppa tea or a glass of wine, gossiping over folding laundry, or swapping life updates between commercial breaks of Bravo shows.
From now on, I’ve resolved to have a few small snacks I can pull out when people pop in unexpectedly on hand. After all, isn’t making people feel welcome and taking the time for genuine connection what it’s all about?
Here are a few staples to inspire your own eleventh-hour guest visits — and Trinie, please come back soon!
A Pre-Sliced Meat & Cheese Platter. This doesn’t have to be ginormous! I get the smallest one available at my butcher and stash it in the cheese drawer.
Something Sweet. I love the Milka Chocolate Carmel Bars. Other ideas could include chocolate-covered almonds, dried fruits (super affordable at Trader Joe’s!), pre-made cookie dough in your freezer, or stroopwafels (especially if serving alongside coffee or tea!)
A Small Savory Munchie. Popcorn is great and always a go-to! Other ideas include my beloved Snyder’s Honey Mustard & Onion Pretzel Pieces, tinned fish, well-seasoned crackers, or potato chips.
Odds + Ends. I love having a jar of Maille cornichons on hand, pickled anything tends to be a crowd-pleaser, SideHill Farms makes incredible + affordable jams, I loved this amaretto butter so much at a recent dinner party that the host let me take it home (it’s perfect with a graham cracker or oatcake), and salsa served with tortilla chips are all wonderful options.
Something to Sip. A pot of tea is always a great option (I love this heart-opening tea + a good Earl Grey), coffee (we sip Vermont Artisan beans constantly), a bottle of red, a bottle of white, and/or sparkling water with slices of citrus fruit.
I am beyond excited to introduce Muse Modes, an intentional space for women to connect, share, and feel inspired.
Hosting circles where women can come together as they are to feel uplifted and supported has been on my heart for as long as I can remember. To take this step into growing our community in this way is a dream that I’m thrilled to see come to fruition!
Each Muse Mode will be different, but you can expect…
Meditations
Time to Share What’s on Your Heart
Practices That Aid You in Living an Intentional Life
Connection
Exercises to Help You Come Home to Yourself
🤍
Springtime is all about shedding our winter coats, planting seeds that we hope to see flourish in the months to come, and settling into the versions of ourselves that leave us feeling joyful + connected. To celebrate this new season (in both the year and for ourselves!), we’ll gather on April 8th at 7 EST to celebrate April’s New Moon.
You can sign up for free, here. I can’t wait to hopefully see you there!
Questions about the event? Reply directly to this email or jet me a note at hello@kaylimylius.com.
Some ideas for casual hangouts:
✨ Collage Making
✨ Folding the Laundry
✨Homemade Pizza Making
✨ Catching Up on TV
✨ A Book Club
✨ Weekly Walks in the Park
✨ Passion Project Hours
✨ Paint Your Nails
✨ Sip Tea + Chat
✨ Go Grocery Shopping
✨ Hang Out in Your Backyard or Other Outdoor Space
✨ Run Errands While Listening to Your Favorite Playlist
✨ Pick Out Outfits for the Week
✨ Have a Magazine Swap
✨ Drink Martinis in Your PJ’s
✨ Take a Workout Class
✨ Sit on the Floor While They Clean Their Bedroom
✨ Make a List of 80’s & 90’s Movies + Watch One a Week
Perfect Days: Aaron and I worked our way through most of the 2024 Academy Award noms, and one we absolutely loved was the slow burn, Perfect Days. It showcases the day-to-day life of a toilet cleaner in Tokyo who appreciates the beauty that surrounds him + is often found appreciating the little things in life that we often take for granted. We saw it in theaters a few weeks ago, and it still hasn’t left my mind.
The Shell Seekers: I believe I picked up The Shell Seekers at a used bookstore last year, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t know if I would like it based on the cover + the description, but something about it called to me, and so, I read. The main character is a woman who has led a colorful life in England and is reaching the sunset of her years. Her most treasured piece is artwork by her father, a now-deceased famous painter, and each of her grown children has their own idea of what she should do with it. Even typing about it here, I can hear that it sounds not-so-convincing… but I read it early last year, and it crossed my mind when I thought of influential books I’ve read for this missive. Isn’t that a pretty great testimony?
Iced Berries with Limoncello White Chocolate Sauce: I read an interview with Dolly Alderton on
on how she recently made this easy recipe of iced berries with limoncello white chocolate sauce for a dinner party + it sounds divine. I hope to serve it up soon to some pals as the weather warms!