THE ART OF GETTING DRESSED
THE ART OF GETTING DRESSED
Fashion Isn’t Style
The summer before sixth grade, my parents bought a home a town over from our current digs, which meant I would start at a public school the Tuesday following Labor Day.
By 10, I had feigned sick to stay home + watch Fall Fashion Week on the Style Channel (RIP), filled countless notebooks with fashion designs, and convinced my parents to buy me issues of Vogue and Elle on the grocery store’s checkout stands even though, I’m sure now, the articles went far above my head.
You can see why I thought I was well-equipped going from the world of plaid skirts + the same five colors of polos to the new galaxy that is public school freedom. I would dress however I wanted, be the most me version of myself!
In 2005, that meant my take on the boho chic trend sweeping the magazines I couldn’t stop devouring.
On a late summer’s day, my Grandma and Mom packed my sister and me into my Mom’s silver Ford Focus, and we headed to the mecca: Old Navy. I practically jumped out of the car on a slow roll and sprinted toward the aisles of clothes — I was finally going back to school clothes shopping after years of the same boring uniform!
After much deliberation (and likely an argument with my Mom over a too-high heel) I had the outfit I would walk into my homeroom wearing: Pleather brown ankle boots with a small heel, a denim peasant skirt, and a three-quarter length striped top with fall shades of maroon, pink, and brown. I didn’t want my unruly hair to take over, so I would clip it into the style-of-the-day hair bump.
I was ready.
The morning came, and as I walked down the fluorescent-lit hallways to my assigned locker, I was horrified to find my peers donning blue jeans and t-shirts with names like “Aeropostale” and “Abercrombie” stitched onto them. I truly had no idea what those brands were.
Where was the individual style like in the T.V. shows? My days skimming Vogue and watching TeenNick did not prepare me for this!
I want to say I said a big ole’ “suck it!” to preteen norms and continued in the valiant attempt to hone my personal style at age 10, but soon enough I was throwing on an overpriced Aeropostale sweatshirt in the chilly Autumn morning like the rest of ‘em.
Fast forward to 2008, and my parents decided on a cross-country move to Arizona. I’d be starting at a new school, in a new state, all with people who had never seen me before! It was the perfect time to realign myself with my mission of being the woman girl I wanted to be.
On the first day of my freshman year of high school, I wore a pair of ballet flats with cobalt blue skinny jeans, a white tank and a grey gradient-colored cardigan buttoned up over it. I ironed my hair pin straight and styled freshly cut blunt bangs.
Once again, I was ready for my grand entrance into a new chapter!
My Grandpa dropped me off on my first day of school with a smile on my face, and for so many reasons, when he picked me up that afternoon I had a half-hearted smirk at best. Due to many factors, my fantasy had not translated to reality.
In no small part, because the battle of the brands was back — this time Tilly’s and Zumies.
This go around, I gave it the old college try. I kept wearing offbeat outfits that felt like me + attempted to resist the temptation of fitting in with what other people my age were wearing. I specifically remember wearing a white t-shirt with watercolored flowers painted on the front artfully tucked into a pair of denim skinny jeans with a pair of ballet flats (or it could have been a low pink heel…) on the day my English teacher asked me to join her newly formed fashion club.
My style was actually being noticed! And not just noticed, appreciated!
This could be the part of my recollection where I say that since then, I’ve never turned back — that I’ve always stayed true to my desires wearing long flowing dresses to AP History, rolling my eyes at the “I ♡ Boobies” rubber bracelets that swept high schools around the nation, but it wouldn’t be honest.
I did stay true to what I actually enjoyed wearing a bit more during my high school years, but how can one identify their personal style when they’re still so in the figuring out who they are as a person? When so much of that time in life is wondering,
“Will they like me back?”
“Will this look cute on the photos that’ll be posted to MySpace after?”
“Will my friends think this is weird?”
I’m 30 years old now. I have a husband, a dog, and live in a fashion capital where I could walk down the street wearing a lime green tulle skirt and a leopard print tank top and people wouldn’t think twice.
In fact, that whole ensemble feels very brat???
But depending on the day, you could draw your own conclusion on if I’m “fit” to write this issue. One evening, I could be wearing a butter yellow drop-waist dress on my way to sip martinis, on another, you could spot me walking my dog — like today— in a much-loved Nantucket t-shirt and blue leggings from, yes, Old Navy.
I like to think that now I mostly get dressed in accordance with my personal style, and rarely give thought to if what I’m wearing will “fit in.” I rent trendier pieces and I mostly purchase only items I could see myself wearing for the next 5+ years.
Every once in a while, I splurge on something truly unique that I know wouldn’t win in a cost-per-wear war, but I picture it on a future daughter or niece and the idea of passing down a piece that I loved slithering into at one time — a silky dress, a vintage feathered night set — and that’s enough for me.
Maybe someday when they need a boost, they’ll turn to that vintage peasant skirt or the watercolored top, they’ll put it on, and feel the person who wore it before them quietly whispering, “This moment is all you have. Dress like it!” and they’ll smile.
Dressing joyfully/comfily/moodily alongside you,
Kayli
Capturing the Moment // Outfit of Girl with Bells and Whistles // Patti Boulaye // Audre Lorde © Dagmar Shultz // Alicia Vera for the NYT // Emiko Mori, 94 by Chinami Mori
1. A Closet Cleaning Ritual
Reallocating the old so you can appreciate the new (and much loved).
2. Organization Station
Everything has a proper place.
3. Deciding the Woman You Want to Be
Who do you want to be today?
4. Confidently Stepping Into Her
Going into the world confident and self-assured.
5. Onwards and Up, Right, Down, and Leftwards
Going forward.
Now, let’s get into the nitty-gritty…
The time has come that maybe you’ve been consciously dreading, or perhaps you’ve just been avoiding. The age-old act of cleaning out the closet. Need not fear! I’ve found this to be an incredibly freeing practice, and now find myself eager to do it much more often.
- To begin, I love cleansing the closet space with (ethically sourced) sage, a smudge spray, or the ringing of a bell. I thank the clothes for all of the joy they brought me and how they held me and ask any energy I picked up that wasn’t mine to carry to be sent back to the Earth to be blessed, transmuted, and transformed for the greater good. Side Note: I always energetically cleanse vintage/antique items, too!
- Next, grab two containers, and dive into creating your updated wardrobe! You’ll have 3 piles:
Keep
Donate
Store
- Now, it’s important to be a little ruthless. Why exactly are you keeping that sweatshirt from high school when you reach for three others consistently? Do you really need 5 black tank tops when you feel your best donning fuchsia?
My rule is this: If it’s in season and I haven’t worn it for four months, I either donate it or — very limitedly! — store it in a box. If I store it, it must be for a good reason. It’s a fabulous vintage piece I want to pass on, they’re the one pair of snow pants I own for an annual trip to the snow, etc.
- Turn on an upbeat playlist you like or cleaning frequency music, and get started!
- When you feel satisfied that your closet is now only full of items you love and wear often, go immediately + donate the donation pile. This is not the era where we drive around with 5 trash bags of things in our car trunk for the next year! If you live in New York City, these places all take donations.
- Same thing for the storing pile. Bring them to your storage unit (city life), tuck them in a box at the top of your closet, etc. Pro Tip: Take photos of the items you’re choosing to store + have an album on your phone of them. This way, you’ll actually remember where the perfect sparkling LDB is for that New Year’s Eve party when the time comes.
- The time has come: Smiling at your closet knowing you’ve done it! The daunting part is behind you. Onto the next…
“With organization comes empowerment.” – Lynda Peterson
Congratulations! You’ve donated what no longer serves you and stored what you don’t need in the immediate. Your closet should now be full of items you wear often and love wearing!
But
Are you still digging in your drawers for those denim shorts you love? Attempting to find the skirt you need + discovering it buried between dresses with enough material to surely create Christian Siriano’s next collection?
If the answer is “yes,” it’s time to organize.
- First, take everything out + sort by category. Only you can decide what method works best — casual tops vs. business tops, boot socks vs. sneaker socks, day time dresses vs. night time gowns, etc.
You know what they Socrates says: "To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom."
For me, that wisdom is this: I’m fairly organized, but I will find a million caveats for such strict guidelines. And if my husband is putting away our laundry? Forget it.
Know Thyself. Know Thy Life Partner.
Therefore, my categories are the following:
Undergarments
Bottoms
Athleisure Bottoms
Casual Tops
Nicer tops
Cardigans / Dusters
Dresses
Skirts
Casual Sets
Nicer Sets
Sweatshirts
Pajamas
Swimsuits / Cover Ups / Random Sports T-Shirts
Let me preface this by saying I would hang up my underwear if I could. I am #TeamHang. However, I live in NYC and have one small closet so I’ve had to get crafty.
The best organization system is the one that works for you.
For me, I:
- Hang: Nicer Tops, Dresses, Skirts, Nicer sets, Cardigans / Dusters
- Drawer: Undergarments, Bottoms, Athleisure Bottoms, Casual Tops, Casual Sets, Pajamas, Swimsuits / Cover Ups / Random Sports T-Shirts
I have these drawer sets that have managed to fit into my aforementioned small city closet.
Everything else, I hang! Over the years, I’ve transitioned to only using these hangers. It brings me joy to open my closet doors and see some uniformity!
This all being said, go forth and do what makes sense to you.
“I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I always knew the woman I wanted to be.” - Diane von Fürstenberg
One question that helps me get dressed in the morning is, “Who is the woman I want to be today?”
I loathe the word “I’m” followed by an adjective like “preppy”, “minimal”, the list goes on… I can step into a new persona every day, it’s mood dependent, event dependent, dependent on the culture I’m consuming and the weather.
I refuse to subscribe to one simple adjective to describe something as prolific as one’s personal style.
If you’re stuck on what to wear, other questions to ask yourself can include:
✨ “What would my dream outfit be to wear to this activity?”
✨ “What colors are speaking to me today?”
✨ “What statement do I want to make to the world today?”
✨ “What accessory could I use to make this look more me?”
✨ “How would (insert style inspiration here) dress for this?”
And if the answer is staying in an old pair of pajamas, that’s okay, too.
“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” - E.E. Cummings
It’s easy to choose that lime green tulle skirt and leopard print top, but it’s another to have the confidence to walk head held high down the street wearing it.
Next time your confidence is feeling shaky, may I suggest…
🤍 Writing down 10 things you love about yourself + reading them out loud back to yourself?
🤍 Thinking of a person whose style you admire + meditating on how they might act in this situation?
🤍 Popping your earbuds in + walking out the door to a song that embodies confidence to you?
🤍 Taking 5-10 minutes to visualize how you’d like to show up in the world today?
🤍 Making yourself the promise that “just for today” you’ll give dressing like this a try + see how you feel.
🤍 Creating an affirmation to turn to when you feel self consciousness creeping in?
🤍 Imagine me, cheering you on — because I am! Jet me an email of your outfit to hello@kaylimylius.com + I’ll hype you up! We’re in this together.
“Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.” – Simone de Beauvoir
I’d like to wind this guide down by encouraging you to change when the calling comes.
Wear bell bottoms one day and a tailored tweed dress the next!
Put on your moodiest oversized sunglasses and that very evening declare that you’re your very own floral dreamscape.
The only rule about personal style is that it’s yours.
So don’t put yourself in a box. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain. Indeed, when you do, it reenforces one delightful fact: You’re human + in it for the ride.
I draw inspiration from everywhere. Garments I get to run my fingers over as I meander through Bergdorf’s where I inevitably don’t buy anything but wistfully dream, the women I see twirling spaghetti a limone at the Italian spots dotting Madison Avenue, the NYU girls dressed in microminis + loose tanks sipping wine in Dimes Square, the color of the flowers lining the walkway to the East River, a French movie from the 60’s, an art nouveau sign still hanging above an old storefront…
Take note of what inspires you as you walk through your day and next time you’re feeling stuck getting dressed, turn to that mental memory bank.
Bonus Points if you keep a physical list! Plus, how chic is this?
I started to play around with renting clothes in 2019. I was starting to go out to varying activities more, and my wardrobe budget was taking a heavy hit! Being the oh-so-responsible eldest daughter I am, I turned to finding a solution.
Shopping my closet wasn’t a viable option. I was attending more brand events and weddings — what I needed, or okay, desired, couldn’t be found there. I also wanted to wear cute clothes on vacation and out to dinner with my friends without finding myself scrambling down Newbury Street the afternoon-of.
I had tried Rent the Runway several times at this point and had been sadly, unimpressed. The rental dates didn’t align well with my schedule no matter how hard I tried, the sizes were all over the place, and aside from a Mara Hoffman dress I still regret not buying, I was unimpressed with the quality. It all felt rather worn.
Enter: Nuuly.
When I got my first Nuuly shipment, I could hear the angels playing their trumpets in the distance. Finally, I could fill my closet (albeit temporarily) with practically all of the Anthropologie + co. finds my heart desired.
I’ve been Nuulying on and off — breaking for a month here and there — for five years but rarely find the clothes I’m renting over worn (in fact, many garments still have the tags on!)
I also love the variety of brands, the superb customer service, and the ability to change up the “vibe” I’m going for often.
Want to give it a try for yourself? You can get $30 off your first month using this link exclusively for Intentional Muse readers. x
Note: Nuuly is not sponsoring this post. I just truly love the brand.
Watch: An American in Paris for Amazing Costumery + Plenty of Style Inspiration.
For Savoring Little Moments…
For a Culinary or French Escape…
For Embracing Your Inner Child…
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Ok of course we both went to private schools and had a similar experience of our first day getting to wear normal clothes to a public school!!!! I cannot haha