THE ART OF GETTING OLDER

Hi, 30. 🤍

Planted under a cascading waterfall, I celebrated turning 30. I swam under the mountain’s rushing water, splashed around like a little kid, and told God what I was inviting into this next decade before submerging myself in the icy river’s depths; an adult’s holy baptism.

My 20s were full of changes, lessons, high highs, and low lows. I backpacked Europe, broke up with a boyfriend of 7 years, grew a business, danced on bar tables, felt shame sharp as needles and pleasure sweet as an open window on a Fall Sunday. I got married, put all my things in storage + galavanted around Italy for a summer, cried my eyes out over people who didn’t love me back, and was put back together by people who did. In 2019, I packed my things up and moved across the country to a city where I knew no one, shared a one-bedroom box with my then-boyfriend during a pandemic, and watched my little sisters step into womanhood.

Just typing all of those things makes tears well up.

How lucky am I to know joy like that? To be intimate with the effervescence of life’s happy surprises and also the cutting vulnerability that comes with pain?

My Mom works in hospice care and has always lived by the adage, “It’s a pleasure to grow older, it’s a privilege denied to many.”

In the last decade, I became the woman I wanted to be again, and again, and again, not realizing this is a long game and if I’m lucky, I’ll spend a lifetime stepping into evolved versions of her.

I can honestly say, at 30, that I love this woman, I’m on her side, and I know she’ll figure it out. She always does.

In celebration,

Kayli

Ushering in a New Decade at Diamond Notch Falls

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Raining Day // Minnie Riperton // Friendship // By Clay Williams // Three Girls by Cathy Cheyne // Woman Lounging

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I always love to do something around my birthday to usher in a new chapter, whether it’s making wishes blowing out candles on a cake, making a gratitude list for the last year of my life, or sitting in ceremony with people who have influenced my life in a meaningful way.

A few weeks back, I asked some muses in our community what they do to celebrate a new chapter and they answered:

My default factory setting is NOSTALGIA MODE. It's impossible for me to untether the journey yet to come with the journey that's already unfolded. My nostalgia usually doesn't manifest in "longing for the way things were," but rather, a deep appreciation and gratitude for the epic story that is my life. Every day, I do my best to have at least one moment where I soften my gaze, take in my surroundings, and really process all the steps that got me to this exact moment. I do the same when I think about the future: I take a mental photo of exactly where I am in that moment and think about how it will one day be a part of the journey that got me somewhere else. What's amazing about this kind of daily practice is that when big milestone days like birthdays, anniversaries, or new years come around, I don't feel pressure or anxiety — because I've been practicing this kind of "looking back to look forward" all along. - Katie Horwitch

When It Snows

Treat yourself like the living breathing altar that you are. A custom-designed human creation. Even in your low days, honour your being, feel the emotions. That's the secret, it's about how you feel, not about how you look. The more your light shines from within, the more your radiance increases. Take it from someone that discovered this at the age of 40 and never looked back. - Vanessa Del Castillo

With each year that passes, I nestle more deeply & comfortably into both who I am and who I came here to be. I feel it as an innate knowing that all I have experienced thus far is leading me closer to my truest, fullest expression and greeting each version along the way with open arms! - Kseniya

At the Spruceton Inn

For birthdays, I love to follow tradition; for most of the last 15 years, I've spent my birthday at a rooftop pool. Returning to the same or similar setting enunciates how much I have transformed year to year. Pausing to reflect back on (and celebrate!) how far I've come is so significant to me because it reminds me of the "why" behind my growth and expansion versus getting caught in a habit of aimless, dissatisfying striving. The night before a birthday, I love to take a ritual bath to clear my energy & release so I can enter the new year feeling like a fresh, blank slate. Morning of, I love to do a tarot pull and some journaling on my intentions for the year ahead. In astrology, Annual Profections are the themes we may experience in a given year, and they shift on our birthday, so I like to incorporate these themes into my intentions - leaning into energies that are already supporting me. (For example, this has been a 3rd house year for me and I have practiced DEEPLY in communication & sharing my truth authentically - a big edge for me.) If the weather doesn't allow for a pool day, I love to indulge in energy healing, aura photos, a facial or massage, a float session, or other forms of celebratory self care. I also love to gather over dinner with loved ones and bask open heartedly into feeling celebrated. Outside of birthdays, I love keeping a One Line a Day journal to notice longer term shifts and patterns in my life. They're structured so that each page represents the same date over a 5 year span and it's fascinating to scan back through the years. I also think it's important to surround ourselves with friends, family and/or supports (like therapists) who can reflect our growth and remind us of the best parts of who we are. - Amy Miller

Let the magic happen as it happens and don’t plan as much. I actually wrote in my journal of things to let go, to start lighter and to make room for new! And for someone that’s in my late 30s, know that it truly gets better — Celebrate letting go. - Rayna Lo

I think a lot of people look at their 20s and are prone to thinking about all they didn’t accomplish before 30, so I made a list of ten amazing things I did accomplish so I could celebrate those. - Shelby Fitzpatrick

Pink Skies Over NYC

I like to be gentle with myself. We put so much pressure on ourselves--often daily--to do spectacular things and I am certainly one of those people. So, as often as I can, and especially on more meaningful days, I try to remind myself to be soft. It is also imperative for me to not rely on others to celebrate with the bigness that I want for myself. So, if I want the layer cake I saved months ago on Instagram I get it for myself. I buy myself flowers or take myself out on a creative date. When I was 25, I began a tradition of buying myself one piece of fine jewelry to mark the celebration AND reinforce that I am always worth it. Overall, what feels meaningful to me is to be present in the moment and celebrate the things that fill me with love. I also like to mark my birthdays with an aura photo (and sometimes a solar return reading) to see where my energy is on a yearly basis. And generally, on the morning of my birthday, I journal--reflecting back to what I accomplished and where I see myself going next. - Maya Oren

“I LOVE to head to the ocean the night before and throw rocks into the water symbolising what I’m releasing as I move into my next stage AND SIT WITH WHAT I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR. Then I love to wake before the sunrises on my birthday and watch it rise as I cast my visions for the next stage - I love the NEE technique for this…. And I also love a skinny dip at sunrise to just wake up the wild me and activate the new!!!! I remember for the six months before I turned 40 I literally just asked my higher self - how would I LOVE to welcome in this new decade.. And it finally dropped in - A skinny dip as the sun rose with the WOMEN I LOVE AND ADORE, a fire on the beach to warm us up after with some cacao and dancing. It was perfection, and I felt so loved moving into my new decade.” - Candice Hooper

How do you celebrate special occasions?

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1. It’s wonderful to find your muse in outside beings — friends, the sky, a song — but you must see yourself as the muse. You’re the main character of your life!

2. Whatever you’re spiraling about now likely won’t be on your radar in three months.

3. You can have friends for different purposes! The friend you love to see movies with, the happy hour pal, the soul sister. Not everyone will be your best friend + it’s important to still have people you can rely on.

4. You are hot. I repeat: You are gorgeous. For the love of God, skinny dip, confidently have sex, and walk with your chin up.

5. Take yourself out to lunch, live on your own, do whatever you must to feel independent so if you partner up you know it’s because they add something to your life.

6. Have interests outside of work! Being well-rounded is key to being a good conversationalist which will take you far.

7. Things will change. Life is easier if you learn to stay in the now + reframe when things don’t go to plan as an adventure.

8. On that note, friends you thought would be in your life forever sometimes are just in it for a season + that’s okay.

9. If a friend asks you to go dancing, crawl into their bed to watch Love Island, or get ice cream but you’re already in your PJ’s, just go.

10. Actions Actions Actions over words.

11. A handwritten note is an art form! Write birthday cards, pop a thank you to your landlord in the mail when you part ways, pen a thoughtful letter to a mentor.

12. Buy a vibrator. Why are we waiting on someone else for something as sacred as pleasure??

13. Hone in on your personal style. Before you purchase that trendy bag, will you even wear it in a year?

14. You feel so much more alive when you let life move you. Laugh, cry, and love harder.

15. Call your parents.

16. Call your grandparents if you’re lucky enough to have them still! Better yet, make them dinner + surprise them with it.

17. Stop after one shot, girly, I promise you.

18. Learning how to make a few easy weeknight meals will save you when you’re hangry.

19. Success isn’t about how much money you make — it’s determined by factors only you can decide for yourself.

20. Take vitamins, make your annual skincare check-up, and move often but don’t let commodified wellness rule your life. Wine with girlfriends after work can be beneficial for your health, too!

21. Determine causes you care about + show up for them! Phone bank to end gun violence, set up quarterly donations for the work of suicide prevention + crisis intervention for LGBTQIA+ young people, get involved in your local community garden. This article on finding joy in activism is a great place to get ideas flowing.

22. Let. Things. Go. My early 20s were full of needlessly apologizing and text rants attempting to force people to see my worth. I wish I could go back and hug that girl! If people don’t see your worth, it’s not your job to make them.

23. Get used to using “and” not “but.” I’m sensitive and I’ll speak up for my ideas in this meeting. This person caused me pain and they’re also only human. I did something I’m not proud of so I’ll apologize and do better next time.

24. Give without expecting anything in return. If able, buy the person on the corner bench a slice of pizza + a water, run your sick friend homemade soup, offer to throw the baby shower. Being a beacon of light for others, your rays will extend far beyond your immediate vicinity.

25. Expand your mind! Listen to stories of people different from you, travel, and try foods you normally wouldn’t.

27. Keep the plans. Don’t be the flaky friend! Show up (for the most part) when you say you will.

28. Everything is right on time. “My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me." - Imam Al-Shafii

29. Stay in your lane. It’s easy to look on Instagram and see friends who seemingly have it all together, notice that friend you went to high school with get a big promotion, or folks vacationing abroad + think you need to be doing/achieving/making more. The important thing is to do the next right thing for you.

30. The little things are the big things. Use the nice plates, order the chocolate soufflé just because, being alive is the special occasion.

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This raspberry cake with whipped cream filling looks wild.

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Prep // Daisy Jones the Six // Just Kids // This is How it Always Is // The Book of Longings // Big Magic // Open Water // When Things Fall Apart // Peach Blossom Spring // Tiny Beautiful Things // Becoming // The Dark Hills Divide // Anam Cara // The Woman I Wanted to Be // Picnic in Provence // Atomic Habits

To browse Bookshop.org Bookshop to Support Local Bookstores

To Browse Amazon Bookshop

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Happy Happy Birthday, friend! Whether you’re a fellow Leo pal or are returning to this meditation on the first day of your next trip around the sun, my wish is that this next year is full of love, health, wealth, and happiness.

Start your special morning celebrating you!

To begin, find a comfortable seated position, preferably in a spot with some natural light flooding in. Light a candle or play some soft, celebratory music to set the mood.

Stroll to the bottom of this issue + press “play” when you feel ready to begin this celebratory meditation.

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For evoking your sensual side…

For embracing relaxation…

If you want to feel thankful for the friends in your life…

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